before the funeral services, the undertaker came up
to the very elderly widow and asked,
was your husband?" "98," she replied.
older than me"
96," the undertaker commented.
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
what do you think is the best thing
being 104?" the reporter asked.
simply replied, "No peer pressure."
nice thing about being senile is
can hide your own Easter eggs.
sure gotten old!
had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
different medications that
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
bouts with dementia.
feel my hands and feet anymore.
remember if I'm 85 or 92.
lost all my friends. But, thank God,
have my driver's license.
like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got
my doctor's permission to
fitness club and start exercising.
to take an aerobics class for seniors.
twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
for an hour. But,
time I got my leotards on,
elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
her preacher she had two final requests.
she wanted to be cremated, and second,
wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
"Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed.
I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
how to prevent sagging?
eat till the wrinkles fill out.
scary when you start making the same noises
days about half the stuff
shopping cart says,
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
me the senility to forget the people
good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6,
maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends
if you can remember who they are!