Doug Patton Column
of June 6, 2005
pulled a Dan Rather on us, running a fabricated story just
because they wanted it to be true. They told the world that
an American guard at the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, detention
center had ripped pages from a prisonerís Koran and flushed
it down a toilet. As a result, innocent people died when
practitioners of Islam rioted in protest in
Oops, said Newsweek,
it seems we canít back up our story. Oh well, itís probably
true; we just canít prove it.
The lie heard round the world
about the flushed Koran has caused convulsions in the Bush
Administration and forced the Pentagon to launch an
investigation of unfounded allegations contained in an
unsubstantiated story. The results of said investigation are
now in, and it seems there are at least five incidents of
ďmishandlingĒ of the Koran at Gitmo.
Well, guess what? I DONíT CARE!
Are we fighting a war on terror
or arenít we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people
who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? Were
people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not
brutally murdered that day, in downtown
Manhattan , across the Potomac from our nationís
capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? Did nearly three thousand men,
women and children die a horrible, burning death that day,
or didnít they?
And Iím supposed to care that a
copy of the Koran was ďdesecratedĒ when an overworked
American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I donít. I
donít care at all.
Iíll start caring when Osama bin
Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all
those innocent people on 9/11.
Iíll care about the Koran when
the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy
Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia .
Iíll care when
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi tells the world he is sorry for hacking
off Nick Bergís head while Berg screamed through his
gurgling, slashed throat.
Iíll care when the cowardly so-called
ďinsurgentsĒ in Iraq come out and fight like men
instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in
Iíll care when the mindless
zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care
about the innocent children within range of their suicide
Iíll care when the American
media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties
are somehow derived from international law instead of the
United States Constitutionís Bill of Rights.
Iíll care when Clinton-appointed
judges stop ordering my government to release photos of the
abuses at Abu Ghraib, which are sure to set off the Islamic
extremists just as Newsweekís
lies did a few weeks ago.
In the meantime, when I hear a
story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to
obtain information, know this: I donít care.
When I see a fuzzy photo of a
pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in
what amounts to a college hazing incident, rest assured that
I donít care.
When I see a wounded terrorist
get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he
might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank that I
When I hear that a prisoner, who
was issued a Koran paid for by my tax dollars, is
complaining that his holy book is being ďmishandled,Ē you
can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts that I donít
And oh, by the way, Iíve noticed that sometimes itís spelled
ďKoranĒ and other times ďQuran.Ē Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and
ó you guessed it ó I donít care!